i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think my vagina is haunted
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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