She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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