the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
