Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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