3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
