Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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