Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
