I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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