Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
