in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
as a side note pls kill me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
