How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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