the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
