my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
