I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
