She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Say something about gay babies.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
