I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
