he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
