Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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