she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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