That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
