I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
