I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
