He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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