I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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