but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
