have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
