i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
