First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
