forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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