my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
