My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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