Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
