life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
