i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
