You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
