I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
