I was born with a shot glass in my hand
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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