the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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