Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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