so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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