Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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