I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
