I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
