i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
