she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
