I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
