I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
