Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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