Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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