Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
