Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
