we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
