i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
MIDGETS
????
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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