idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
