Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize