that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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