i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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