he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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