I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
