She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
