his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The uberlube is also flammable
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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