Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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