I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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