Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do herpes really smell.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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