I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
