she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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