you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
