Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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