i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
