Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize