Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize