I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
