I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
