Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
