doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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