I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
