You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Welp...herpes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
