hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
