Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize