I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
