You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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