I have demons in me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
