The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
