she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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